How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize