We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
