Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
