I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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