i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
