My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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