Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
