I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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