Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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