i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
