If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
