Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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