Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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