best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
