If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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