well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
