The maid of honor just puked.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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