Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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