Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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