My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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