Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
