When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize