Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
