wanna go halves on a baby?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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