so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
His nipple licking is glorious
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