Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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