Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
