um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
These tits shall not be calmed
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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