I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
