I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
