Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
