i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
