i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
