I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
