I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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