I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
