I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I met the friendliest cop last night
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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