im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
