got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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