If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
