I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
