I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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