Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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