Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
