like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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