Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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