You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
