Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
