I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
