so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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