i already hear my dad disowning me
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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