I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
