I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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