How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
