Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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