after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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