weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Randomize
