I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
that may or may not have been my penis.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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