I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
