I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
