Umm I'm too high to move.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
