Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
