I think my vagina is haunted
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
