After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
