How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Farmville is her only friend.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
