So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
