my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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