sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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