Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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