she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
