and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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