Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
