Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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