Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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