3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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