I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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