I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
