my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
