It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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