how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize