The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
