so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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