you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
