I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
