is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
