Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
