soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
