When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
