honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
