i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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