Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Randomize
