Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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