I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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