That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
