so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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