i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
