my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize