i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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