I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have fence marks all over my body
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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