bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
